Ashton Kutcher certainly is “winning” on the set of the CBS sitcom “Two and a Half Men”.

Apparently the $700,000-per-episode salary Kutcher will pull in for replacing Charlie Sheen isn’t enough to woo him away from Demi Moore. Nope, the fine folks at CBS are shelling out $8,750 per week (and they said they couldn’t afford Sheen) for Kutcher’s ridiculous two-story, 53-foot-long, 30-ton trailer (called the Heat) that he’ll hang out in between scenes.

The trailer boasts 1,200 square feet of space, including a master bedroom, full kitchen and lobbies (yes, lobbies), all done up in leather, oak wood and marble. And there’s side sections and a second floor that hydraulically emerge from the main body of the vehicle.

We haven’t even mentioned the electronics. But, in case you’re wondering, there’s seven 60-inch 3D plasma TVs, 360-degree, 24/7 video surveillance and security, and an AMX wireless touchscreen that controls heat, air conditioning, brightness, blinds and a conference area. And when the doorbell rings, the stereo system and TV volume drops, with the image of the visitor being projected on the screens inside.

Photos: Ashton Kutcher’s High-tech Automated Super Trailer

Again, this is a trailer, folks.

Judging by all the pampering, CBS execs must have full confidence Kutcher will be able to carry the show in Sheen’s absence. But many loyal fans of “Two and a Half Men” like me think the show is in big trouble without Sheen. Hopefully CBS has insurance on this trailer.